Description
Confidence is one of the most powerful traits a person can develop. It is not just about positive thinking or feeling good about yourself—it is the ability to take action even when you are uncertain. Without confidence, people often hold themselves back, missing out on chances to grow, succeed, and be recognized. The book The Confidence Code by Claire Shipman and Katty Kay explores why women, in particular, tend to struggle with confidence and how they can learn to strengthen it.
The authors begin with a simple truth: many women have the skills, intelligence, and competence to excel, but they still hesitate. They replay conversations in their heads, wishing they had spoken up, or second-guess themselves before applying for promotions. Men, on the other hand, are more likely to act boldly even if they are not completely prepared. This difference often leads to men advancing faster in careers and seizing opportunities that women pass by.
One striking experiment helps explain this. In a study, students were asked to complete complex puzzle tests. At first, the male students appeared to outperform the women. But when researchers looked closer, they noticed something surprising: many of the women had left questions blank. They were not less capable—they were simply less willing to risk a wrong answer. When asked to attempt every question, the women performed just as well as the men. The problem was not ability but hesitation. This hesitation is one of the clearest signs of low confidence.
It is also important to separate confidence from optimism. Optimism is the belief that things will turn out fine, while confidence is the courage to act. Optimism can help, but confidence is the step that transforms thoughts into results. Without it, even the brightest ideas remain locked inside.
When comparing men and women, confidence often shows up differently. Men are usually more direct, outspoken, and sometimes aggressive. Their behavior is seen as strength in workplaces where competitiveness is rewarded. Women, however, may be more collaborative, humble, or careful in how they present themselves. Unfortunately, these qualities are not always recognized or rewarded in professional environments that value boldness. Still, women do not need to copy men’s behavior. True confidence can also come from listening well, supporting others, and standing firm in your beliefs. Confidence does not have to look loud or brash—it simply has to be genuine.
The lack of confidence, however, creates real problems in the business world. Women often hesitate to negotiate for better pay or recognition. Studies show men negotiate their salaries far more often, and even when women do negotiate, they tend to expect less. Many women also speak less in meetings, especially when they are outnumbered by men. The result is that their ideas are not heard, and their chances for advancement shrink.
Confidence also affects how competence is perceived. A person may be highly skilled and knowledgeable but still doubt themselves. This is common among women. Even some of the world’s most accomplished leaders admit to feeling insecure at times. The problem is that if you cannot see yourself as capable, you may not reach for higher goals. Doubt can lower ambition and create missed opportunities.
Science shows that part of confidence is written into our genes. About half of it, researchers believe, is influenced by biology. Certain genes affect brain chemistry, making some people naturally more likely to take risks and feel calm under pressure. For example, genes that regulate serotonin, a chemical linked to mood, can make a person more or less likely to be anxious. But while genetics play a role, they do not tell the whole story. The other half of confidence is shaped by experience and environment.
Our upbringing is one of the strongest influences on confidence. From a young age, girls are often praised for being well-behaved, diligent, and careful, while boys are encouraged to be bold, adventurous, and outspoken. This difference can carry into adulthood. Women may strive for perfection and avoid risks to maintain approval, while men are less afraid of failure. Society’s stereotypes reinforce this pattern, rewarding women for playing it safe and criticizing them when they act assertively. These cultural expectations can slowly chip away at women’s confidence.
The good news is that confidence is not fixed. The brain is adaptable, and even as adults we can train ourselves to think and act differently. Scientists call this “neuroplasticity,” meaning our brains can change based on repeated thoughts and behaviors. For example, people who undergo therapy for fears can literally rewire their brains so that they respond with calmness instead of panic. This same principle can be applied to confidence. By practicing positive thinking and new habits, women can shift their inner dialogue and act with more courage.
One helpful step is to challenge negative automatic thoughts. Many women criticize themselves harshly, expecting perfection in every task. Changing the inner voice to a more supportive one can make a huge difference. Instead of thinking “I’m not ready for this project,” try reframing it as “I have the skills to learn and adapt.” Over time, these small mental shifts add up, and the brain learns to favor confidence over doubt.
Another key factor in building confidence is action itself. Confidence grows when we take risks, even if we fail. Failure, in fact, can be one of the greatest teachers. Each time we fail and recover, we prove to ourselves that failure is not fatal. It becomes easier to try again, and with practice, success follows. Women often fear failure more than men, interpreting it as proof of incompetence. But failure should be seen as part of progress, not the end of it. Every setback is a chance to grow stronger and wiser.
For example, failing an exam or missing a promotion does not mean you are unworthy. It means you have another chance to improve and try again. Confidence comes not from avoiding mistakes but from facing them, learning, and moving forward. The more risks you take, the more confident you become in handling whatever comes next.
In the end, confidence is not about pretending or faking strength. It is about recognizing your worth, taking action, and refusing to let fear hold you back. Women may face unique challenges due to genetics, upbringing, and social expectations, but they are not powerless. With awareness, practice, and resilience, they can reshape their thinking and claim their space with genuine confidence.
The key message of The Confidence Code is simple: confidence matters as much as competence, and it can be learned. Women have the ability to strengthen their confidence through action, positive thought, and acceptance of failure as part of growth. By doing so, they can unlock opportunities, lead with authenticity, and achieve more than they ever imagined.
