Description
Relationships are one of the greatest joys of life, but they are also one of its biggest challenges. In today’s world, it can be hard to trust love. Divorce rates are high, celebrities break up every other week, and social media fills our minds with polished images of “perfect couples.” With all this noise, it is easy to lose hope or to set expectations that are completely unrealistic.
Michael Todd, a pastor and teacher, explores how we can rebuild our view of relationships in a healthy way. His message is not just for married people. It is for everyone—single, dating, engaged, or already married. The truth is that no matter what stage you are in, you need goals to guide your heart. Without them, you may drift from one broken situation to another. With them, you can build something strong and lasting.
The first step is understanding that real relationships are not like the ones we see in movies or on social media. Perfectly edited pictures and short video clips show only the highlights, never the struggles. They create false hopes that no real partner could meet. If you build your dreams on that illusion, you will always be disappointed. Instead, the right kind of relationship goal should be grounded in reality.
One important reality is that a healthy relationship is not based on appearance, money, or status. These things may catch our attention at first, but they cannot hold a relationship together in the long run. What really matters are qualities like honesty, kindness, patience, forgiveness, and shared purpose. A partner who supports your calling in life and encourages you to grow is far more valuable than someone who only looks good in photos.
To know what you should aim for, you first need a relationship with God. Before humans even existed, there was already a relationship—the bond between the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. That connection shows us that relationships are at the core of life itself. If you are disconnected from God, it is easy for your other connections to fall apart. Many people who lose faith end up struggling not only spiritually but also in family, work, and marriage.
Building a relationship with God requires daily effort, just like building one with another person. It might mean reading Scripture, praying, or simply talking to God about your frustrations and joys. When you grow closer to Him, you also gain wisdom and patience that you can carry into your human relationships.
Another truth that often gets overlooked is the importance of singleness. Many people think of being single as a waiting room, something to be endured until the right person comes along. But Todd teaches that singleness is actually the foundation for everything that follows. It is the season when you discover who you are, what you value, and what your life’s purpose might be. If you skip this step, you may end up depending on another person to fill holes in your identity, which is unfair to both of you.
During singleness, you can invest in yourself, dream about your future, and inspire others with your gifts. These are not wasted years. They prepare you to be a better partner later. By knowing yourself deeply, you will be less likely to compromise with the wrong person out of fear or loneliness.
Once you move into dating, the key is to date with intention. Many people treat dating like a game—jumping from one person to another without direction. This only wastes time and often leaves scars. The goal of dating should be to explore whether the person could be a life partner. If you already know you would never marry someone, it is better not to date them at all.
Intentional dating means taking things slowly, setting boundaries, and having honest conversations. It is about truly getting to know someone’s character rather than being swept away by feelings alone. For example, you might spend a set period simply building friendship, asking each other about fears, expectations, and values. You also set limits on physical intimacy, so that passion does not blind you to red flags. At the end of this process, you will have a much clearer idea of whether this is a person you can build a future with.
But sometimes, even intentional dating reveals that a relationship is not right. When that happens, it is important to let go rather than cling to something unhealthy. Not every relationship is meant to last. Some people drain you of energy or pull you away from your purpose. They may even distract you from your faith. These relationships are liabilities, not assets. Letting go can feel painful, but it is actually an act of strength. By clearing away what is toxic, you make room for healthier connections to grow.
Marriage itself is not the finish line. Many people believe that once they say “I do,” the hard part is over. But in reality, the work has only just begun. Marriage requires constant growth. It requires you to keep working on yourself, just as you did when you were single. If you neglect self-improvement, your relationship may grow stagnant.
Couples should continue to date each other, even after years of marriage. This means creating new experiences together, asking fresh questions, and finding ways to surprise and delight one another. It also means staying interested in your partner’s dreams and supporting them as they pursue their goals. When both partners keep investing in themselves and each other, the relationship can remain vibrant even after decades.
Words also matter. Simple acts of encouragement can shift the atmosphere of a relationship. Negative or careless comments can tear it down. Choosing to build up your partner with your words creates trust and closeness.
At its core, Todd’s message is that relationships thrive when they are guided by purpose. Love is not an accident or a lucky break. It is built through choices—choosing to be realistic, choosing to invest in yourself, choosing to date with direction, choosing to let go of what holds you back, and choosing to keep building long after the wedding day.
Relationships will never be perfect, but they can be deeply fulfilling if both people commit to growing together. And the foundation for all of this is a steady connection with God, who provides wisdom, patience, and love that never runs out.
So whether you are single and waiting, dating and unsure, or married and looking for renewal, remember this: relationship goals are not about chasing a fantasy. They are about aiming for truth, building step by step, and keeping faith at the center.
