Description
We love to put people into neat little boxes. We label them as “good” or “bad,” “saints” or “cheaters.” We like to think of character as a permanent, unchanging stamp that defines who a person is. But this entire idea is flawed. The truth is that our character is not fixed at all. It is incredibly flexible, and it can change dramatically based on the situation we are in. We all have the capacity to act in ways that seem “out of character,” but it’s really just another part of our complex nature coming to the surface. Our behaviors, perceptions, and even our morals are constantly being influenced by factors we don’t even notice.
Inside each of us, there is a constant battle between different forces. This isn’t as simple as the cartoon “angel and devil” on our shoulders. A much better way to think about it is the old fable of the ant and the grasshopper. The ant represents our long-term planning—saving money, studying for an exam, or preparing for the future. The grasshopper represents our desire for immediate rewards—going to a party, spending money now, and enjoying the present moment. Every person has both an ant and a grasshopper inside them. Neither one is purely good or bad; a life of all work or all play is unbalanced. Our actions in any given moment are often the result of which side wins that specific internal debate.
This internal conflict makes things like morality and hypocrisy very complicated. We are taught that morality is good and hypocrisy is bad, but the line is blurrier than we think. Often, hypocrisy isn’t about violating our morals, but about shifting them to fit our immediate needs. A person might do something they would strongly condemn in someone else, but their own mind convinces them that their situation was different and their actions were justified. Experiments show this clearly: people who choose an easy, fun task for themselves while giving a boring one to someone else will rate their own actions as mostly fair. But when they see another person do the exact same thing, they call it “very unfair.” Our moral judgments are not stable; they can be swayed by our emotional state. For example, people who just watched a comedy show may make different moral choices in a hypothetical dilemma than people who just watched a serious documentary.
This flexibility also applies to our most intimate relationships. Even the most loyal and devoted partner can feel a powerful sense of lust for someone else. Love is a deep, complex idea that is hard to define. Lust, on the other hand, is a simple, primal instinct. It’s based on an evolutionary drive for survival, pushing us toward people with physical features that signal healthy genes, such as a symmetrical body. These instincts are powerful. Studies have shown that a person’s hormones can completely change what they find attractive. This shows a constant, hormone-driven battle between short-term lust and long-term love. Even jealousy is a powerful force that can push us to do things we normally wouldn’t, like actively punishing a perceived competitor.
Even an impulse like pride, often called a deadly sin, has two sides. Healthy pride can be a powerful motivator. When you take pride in your work, you are driven to do it well. Receiving praise from others boosts this pride and makes you work even harder. Pride is even connected to our physical bodies; studies show that people who stand tall with an expanded posture feel more prideful and are seen by others as having higher status. The dark side of pride is hubris, which is arrogance or pride that hasn’t been earned. We usually dislike people with hubris. However, even hubris can sometimes serve a purpose. It can act as a protective shield for our self-worth, like when someone who loses their job continues to act successful to maintain their dignity.
The divide between kindness and cruelty is surprisingly narrow. It all depends on how we perceive other people. When we see someone as part of our group—as “us”—we are capable of great compassion. When we see them as an outsider—as “them”—we can become shockingly cruel or indifferent. We constantly judge people based on simple cues and are far more likely to help someone we think is similar to us. When we want to ignore someone’s suffering, like a beggar on the street, our mind helps us by dehumanizing them. This “us vs. them” thinking allows for terrible acts, as it paints others as less than human. The best way to fight this is to surround yourself with many different kinds of people, which helps to expand your definition of “us.”
Our social behaviors are just as flexible. Feeling gratitude can completely change how you act. Experiments show that when someone feels grateful—even for a small, anonymous favor—they are much more willing to help a total stranger later on. Gratitude also builds trust. People who are made to feel grateful are more likely to trust others in a group, leading to better outcomes for everyone. But this works in reverse, too. We are highly influenced by the actions of others. If we see someone else cheating, it becomes normalized. Our inner grasshopper sees an easy path, and we become far more likely to cheat ourselves.
Are you a risk-taker or do you play it safe? This isn’t a fixed part of your character, either. It’s about your perception of the risk versus the reward. This perception is constantly being shifted by our emotions. If the news is full of stories about a plane crash, we start to feel like flying is more dangerous, even though the statistical probability hasn’t changed. We are also more likely to take a risk if the reward is clear and immediate. People will gamble more for a reward of freshly baked cookies they can see and smell than for a distant, abstract prize. Our age and even our mood play a huge role. Anger can make us overestimate negative outcomes, while happiness can make us overestimate positive ones.
Finally, none of us are free from prejudice. We hold stereotypes for an evolutionary reason: to quickly categorize people and avoid potential danger. But in the modern world, these mental shortcuts are often wrong and harmful. It is shockingly easy to create prejudice in people. In one famous experiment, a teacher told her class that brown-eyed children were superior, and they immediately began bullying the blue-eyed kids. The next day, she reversed the rule, and the bullying simply changed targets. While adults are more resistant, these subconscious biases still exist. They tend to come out when we are angry or stressed, leading us to make split-second, biased decisions without even realizing it.
The main takeaway is that “character” is not a permanent label. It is a set of competing psychological forces. No one is just a saint or just a sinner. We are all a complex mix of both, and the person who shows up is often a result of the specific context. By accepting that our character is flexible, we can start to notice the factors that influence us. We can learn to question our intuition, be aware of how our emotions are misleading us, and ultimately gain more control over our actions.
